MK Real Talks: Friendships, Limits, and You
- Chandni Patel
- Aug 11, 2016
- 4 min read
Through my years in the Kiwanis family and growing up, I, like all of you, have come across multiple different people, different personalities, different backgrounds, and more. As we grow up, the number of people we get to meet and the memories we make increases. Everything you do with these people becomes unforgettable. The number gets bigger and bigger to the point where it becomes overwhelming. Yes, I am overwhelmed and I’m positive most of you are too. Staying in contact with multiple people over the course of time is too much. I’m here to say that it doesn’t mean you don’t want to talk to them, it’s just that the amount of people you have met and the obligation to stay in contact builds up.
I post on every person’s page “HEY, IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU!! Hope to see you soon!” because that’s my way of making sure the person knows that I remember them. I wrote this message to every person I met at FTC, DCON, District Events, and people I wouldn’t be seeing for a while. Sometimes even spam them with notifications with the “like” button on photos. The number of people adding me increased along with the greeting, until one day I just stopped. I stopped writing on people’s wall, I stopped talking to them, I stopped all forms of contact. I was being crushed under my own words. I don’t know why, but this pattern built up and became a habit that took me away from my own priorities. I thought I could be everyone’s friend, but no. I can’t and nor can you. If you can, I want you to prove to me that you can stay in touch with ALL your friends. It’s not easy, especially when you have more to life than friends. Yes, we sacrifice our time for them, argue with them, create memories, and so much more, but I do not live for my friends. I do not live to make friends. I live for myself and I have a goal to reach.
It doesn’t mean I hate you, forgot about you, or any negative thing you can think of. I just need time to myself. I am tired of people adding me when we have not met in person or just because you have seen me. I want YOU to personally come and introduce yourself to me. This doesn’t make us friends automatically, but more of acquaintances. For me, my definition of friends are those I have built up a trust with and that know more about me. Just because your boyfriend/ girlfriend or mutual friend, is my best friend, does not make you my friend in any form or way. Think about this for a while, the people you meet once, are you friends that have something you know about each other aside from the outer appearance or connect to a deeper level? Yes, I personally will greet you, but aside from that I will not open up about my personal life with you. I have no obligation to do so. Now, hopefully you understand what type of person I am. Now let me describe types of people you will meet.
Many people in CKI have found best friends and even people who are their family. Most people become lifelong friends and it’s truly amazing to grow up with that person through the years. Now a days, people become friends just because you’re in CKI without meeting in person and somehow it seems normal. Usually people who have a position are added more frequently because of that position, but you are not obligated to add them back. This is in no way to be rude, but they have your email and the option to message you, so why add someone you may or may not meet? TAKE A BREAK. This will help tremendously. You don’t have to be friends with every single person. You may or may not even get along with certain people and that’s perfectly okay. You may not even get to know the person until months later for who they are. You may meet people who put up a facade to fit in and don’t realize it can hurt others around them. People are sensitive to things, understanding, comforting, and much more. There is no end to the types of people you’ll meet, but be careful and do not stress yourself out.
All the bonds and memories you make are colorful and sometimes it’s okay to take the time to open up to someone. Never rush into it because you barely know the person. Take time off for yourself and your family. You may meet people who don’t understand you and that’s okay. You should never force someone to think like you, but making them understand your needs and priorities is beneficial for your mind and health. Everyone is different; whether it comes to thinking or speaking, never think “oh they must be like me.” I made that error heavily and paid the price. Not everything is rose colored, we all have some sort of stress, we’re hiding in our shells, lying about our appearances, and hurting others behind their backs. I don’t understand the point of doing any of this and I don’t understand how people find the time to do this. If you have all this free time, use it to aid yourself in thinking about your priorities first. Most importantly, always communicate. If you do not communicate, you’ve put yourself up for one heck of an endless ride.
After all these paragraphs, you want to talk to me, hit me up. If you don’t understand anything I have said, that’s perfectly okay. I can always clarify it for you. I’m here to let you know, NEVER feel obligated to accept every single friend request, become friends with everyone, or open up to them. These things require thinking (think before you speak concept) before you act. I’m here to say that it is normal to not want to be friends with someone, to not like someone, to speak up, and to give time to yourself. Not only will your lifestyle become more vivid, but your mind and body will appreciate the stress you’ve dissolved away.
Chandni Patel is a 3rd year at Irvine Valley College and is a Nursing majoring. She is also serving as the 2016 - 2017 IVC CKI Vice President of Service and 2016-2017 Circle K March of Dimes Ambassador.
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